*grumpy old man voice* Anime bloopers these days are just people trying to make the dirtiest jokes possible and swearing a lot. What happened to the good old days, when VAs would just say “screw the script, I’m making this a musical!”?
Look at these FUCKING nerds. Look at them and love them as I do. Fucking nerdy grandpas. Except for Simon. I dunno how old he is.
To quote Rene Auberjonois: “It’s a lot of talk for a video game. I’m so used to doing five lines like GO THROUGH THAT DOOR. DON’T GO THROUGH THAT DOOR. HEY ASSHOLE GO THROUGH THAT DOOR.”
I HONESTLY DONT THINK I COULD TAKE THE ORIGINAL SERIOUSLY AFTER THIS
(ALSO YES THIS IS THE 100% OFFICIAL DUB, NOT AN ABRIDGED SERIES)
Ok I feel like everyone needs to know the story behind this dub.
This is Ghost Stories, and in the original Japanese it was a highly respected anime about traditional spirits, intense drama, and a mother’s love extending past death to aid her children lol who am I kidding it was about the depth of a kiddy pool and as dramatic as your average Scooby-doo spinoff.
It didn’t do too well in Japan, so the company wanted to get it dubbed to expand the audience and the profits for the show. America was in the middle of its early 2000′s anime boom, so shows that got dubbed were getting insanely popular left and right.
The problem was, nobody wanted poor little Ghost Stories. So the company started getting desperate in its pitches. At one point, they were basically saying “We’ll let you do anything you want with it if you’ll just take it”
And ADV films responded to that, OKAY.
They ended up with only three rules. They had to keep the characters’ names the same, for licensing. They had to keep the ghosts’ names the same, because they were traditional Japanese spirits. And they had to maintain a semblance of a plot. The rest was 100% improvised by the actors. The show ended up basically all like this video.
They originally wanted to redo the dub every few years, to keep up with current events and reference newer stuff, but budget never allowed for it.
(Source: somehow Greg Ayres shows up at every convention I go to, and he always ends up telling this story)
Raziel revisits the subterranean Pillars grotto after having been propelled over a century into Nosgoth’s ghastly future. He is shocked to discover how the Elder God has encroached into the chamber - its tentacles wind chokingly around the shattered Pillars, and the room’s murals have been nearly obliterated by the passage of its
grasping limbs.
The Elder God greets Raziel disdainfully -
Elder God:
Raziel, the failed assassin.
You had Kain at your mercy but lacked the courage to fulfill the act.
And now you see the wasteland wrought by the tyrant’s hand. By
his selfish decision to preserve his own life, even when it meant
sacrificing the whole world.
This is the fate of Nosgoth, as long as Kain remains alive.
Raziel:
An ironic condemnation, given this guilty scene.
One would think you’d torn down the Pillars single-handedly.
What are you trying to obliterate as you drag your loathsome body through this chamber?
And why, as Nosgoth descends into madness and misery, do you appear to thrive? Things in this world, I am learning, are rarely what they seem.
You, apparently, are no exception.
Elder God:(angrily)
I am the Engine of Life, the source of Nosgoth’s very existence.
I am the hub of the Wheel, the origin of all Life, the devourer of Death.
Raziel:
… or maybe you’re just hungry - could it be as simple as that?
Wouldn’t that be poetic irony? The great adversary of the vampires turns out to be the biggest parasite of them all.
Elder God:
Do not test my patience, Raziel.
I made you, and I will unmake you if I become so inclined.
Raziel: (mocking)
As your agent, I am beyond death.
Elder God:
There are fates worse than death, Raziel.
Raziel responds with disgust -
Raziel:
Oh, I see you now as you truly are.
A cancer - a spooling parasite burrowed deep in the heart of this world.
Elder God:(ominously)
Go now.
Play out your pitiful rebellion, and take your place among the destroyed, the used and the damned.
But know this - you are mine for eternity.
You have always been, and will always be, my soul reaver…
Raziel revisits the subterranean Pillars grotto after having been propelled over a century into Nosgoth’s ghastly future. He is shocked to discover how the Elder God has encroached into the chamber - its tentacles wind chokingly around the shattered Pillars, and the room’s murals have been nearly obliterated by the passage of its
grasping limbs.
The Elder God greets Raziel disdainfully -
Elder God:
Raziel, the failed assassin.
You had Kain at your mercy but lacked the courage to fulfill the act.
And now you see the wasteland wrought by the tyrant’s hand. By
his selfish decision to preserve his own life, even when it meant
sacrificing the whole world.
This is the fate of Nosgoth, as long as Kain remains alive.
Raziel:
An ironic condemnation, given this guilty scene.
One would think you’d torn down the Pillars single-handedly.
What are you trying to obliterate as you drag your loathsome body through this chamber?
And why, as Nosgoth descends into madness and misery, do you appear to thrive? Things in this world, I am learning, are rarely what they seem.
You, apparently, are no exception.
Elder God:(angrily)
I am the Engine of Life, the source of Nosgoth’s very existence.
I am the hub of the Wheel, the origin of all Life, the devourer of Death.
Raziel:
… or maybe you’re just hungry - could it be as simple as that?
Wouldn’t that be poetic irony? The great adversary of the vampires turns out to be the biggest parasite of them all.
Elder God:
Do not test my patience, Raziel.
I made you, and I will unmake you if I become so inclined.
Raziel: (mocking)
As your agent, I am beyond death.
Elder God:
There are fates worse than death, Raziel.
Raziel responds with disgust -
Raziel:
Oh, I see you now as you truly are.
A cancer - a spooling parasite burrowed deep in the heart of this world.
Elder God:(ominously)
Go now.
Play out your pitiful rebellion, and take your place among the destroyed, the used and the damned.
But know this - you are mine for eternity.
You have always been, and will always be, my soul reaver…
