a resume is just a ref for your worksona
if this post makes you angry you should be angry at your boss not me
(via perceptur)
Source: funnycerberus
Some fucking avocado tree: I’m goign to make my stupid seeds so big that no one will be able to consume it and spread it except for this humongous, immortal species of ground sloth which will absolutely never go extinct
(via moreanimalia)
Source: ofools
“this horror movie isn’t very good-”
This is the path the horror fan must walk, this is the path I have chosen.
The path of watching a lot of not very good movies.
(via allisonpregler)
Source: coelasquid
If I mysteriously die or disappear just know it was the duolingo owl
(via smokingrobot666)
Source: sativataurus
So a friend of mine told me how yesterday his coworker died on the way to work due to speeding and crossed a red light (she was late for the third time, so I’m guessing she was trying to avoid a write up). As soon as she crossed the light she was hit on the drivers side by a semi. The messed up part is that in less than an hour her table was cleared for a new worker. In less than 4 hours they had sent out the news that they are hiring. By the end of the day the hiring manager had contacted 4 people for an interview. Moral of the story is, these jobs don’t care about your ass. They will replace you in a snap. Don’t risk or waste your life trying to go above and beyond for a job that could care less about your wellbeing.
(via noodle2thedoodle)
Source: sincerelyafrica
pebble: finally… after 6 million long years I have finally washed up on shore. no longer am I a slave to the tides, no long-
me [picking up pebble and chucking it into the ocean]: haha sploosh
(via monere-lluvia)
Source: fartgallery
Raziel, most eloquently spoken and bearer of a superfluous vocabulary, calls the Elder God a ‘giant squid’.
Optimistic nihilism only lads
The universe is an open ended sandbox rpg. There’s no end goal. You can only get achievements. Some of them include making other people happy
(via perceptur)
Source: meanmulatto
adult cartoons with protagonists intentionally designed to be shitty horrible people can be really funny, but i can’t stand the fandoms of most of these shows because they’re all like “this character is my hero and i copy everything he does irl, because internally i am a 5 year old with no reading comprehension who is unable to figure out authorial intent unless the moral of the episode is spelled out very plainly and literally at the end of the episode like a preschool cartoon, because i do not understand more advanced forms of sarcasm. i wish i was rick sanchez. i wish i was bojack horseman. i wish i was the warden. these are the people i base all of my opinions and philosophy on”
(via nevertoomanyspiders)
