a rift

askfirestarterspitfire:

ask-cyberpunkspitfire:

Disparate elements: that is what life is composed of. How does one reconcile that disembodied feel? Being here—being present—yet stuck in your own mind—and hating those too far gone in their own disjointed worlds. Feeling desperate for any connection to normal living. How do they do it? So perfect and carefree, with drama the centerpiece of their existence… Even that sense of normality I lack.

Hubris. My Achille’s heel. I never should have put myself out there. I’m not confident—are you kidding me? I can’t lie to myself and I can’t lie to them. And now I’ve turned something I loved so much into a hated thing. That was my one safe retreat—why did I do it?.

They don’t know what I’ve done—they can’t understand it. I must be better. I must earn their respect. I must demand their respect. I am addicted to that sense of instant gratification. That’s what it’s called. That instant feedback loop—that’s all I want. To know with surety that they respect me..

Before I end this, I wanted to say one final goodbye, even though it comes… let’s see… 2 years (?) too late. Evidently I have not improved much in 2 years.

Thanks for supporting my art—yes, everyone says this, but I know none have ever appreciated it to an extent beyond “oh it looks good”. Anyhow, I don’t anticipate returning after I post this. So long and thanks for all the… well, you know. Take care!

(On a side note, how does this blog still have 3k+ followers?? Are you all not aware I haven’t posted in nearly 2 years?)

Oh my gooooooooooooooood

This blog has just kinda impacted me in ways that I haven’t even fully gotten to grips with (or shown yet) - mostly visually and in terms of presentation but also just everything - and while it’s sad to see it go it’s wonderful to hear back one last time! Definitely worth your perusal.

(via askfirestarterspitfire)